Family Photos at The Grove Church | Stephanie & Scott’s Infertility Survivor Story

During National Infertility Awareness Week, I hosted a giveaway on Instagram for a couple Infertility Survivor Story photo sessions (click here if you’re unfamiliar with my Infertility Survivor Stories program).  And today I’m honored to share with you the first infertility survivor story from one of the contest winners, Stephanie and Scott.  Last night I got to meet Stephanie, Scott, and their cute dog Gracie at The Grove Church in Chandler for their photo session.  Scott and Stephanie are such a loving couple and truly the most kind and genuine people.  My heart breaks for all that they have gone through in their years of struggling to have children, and after spending time with them I was inspired and touched by the hopeful, graceful way they continually walk forward on their journey.  It’s my sincere prayer that Stephanie and Scott will be able to welcome children into their home soon.  I hope that their story will bring a sense of comfort, understanding, and hope to anyone else struggling with infertility.

Stephanie & Scott’s Infertility Survivor Story
written by Stephanie

A little background about you as a couple
Scott and I met at church when we were 24 and living in West Jordan Utah. After meeting, we realized that we had attended high school together, had several mutual friends and had graduated the same year but had never met. We stayed in the friends zone for a couple months. We had a close knit group of friends and we would hang out almost every day together. I knew I wanted to date him right away, but it took a couple months for us to finally be exclusive. We dated for 9 months and then got engaged and were married in October 2007 in the St. Louis LDS Temple. We lived in Utah for the first 5 years of our marriage and have been in Arizona for almost 5 years as well.

Your infertility story
After 3 years of marriage, we decided it was time to start trying for a family. We started TTC (trying to conceive) in July 2010 and by December 2010 I had a positive pregnancy test. After we found out I was pregnant I just didn’t feel right, I had some weird cramping. I really felt like I was going to lose the pregnancy and within 5 days of finding out we were pregnant, I had started to miscarry. We gave ourselves a couple months to heal and started trying again. We finally went to an OBGYN and after several more months of trying, he prescribed us 4 months worth of Clomid and Metformin to try. He didn’t do any testing but asked questions and told me that I must have PCOS. After 4 months of no success on Clomid, we went to a different OBGYN and he did a HSG (hysterosalpingogram) test. During this test they realized that one of my Fallopian tubes was blocked and he suggested we see a fertility specialist. We started with a fertility clinic in Utah and after further testing, they confirmed that I had PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and they realized that I had polyps in my uterus. I had those surgically removed, one of which was blocking my Fallopian tube, and they tried me on a round of Femara and monitored me closely during that cycle. We didn’t get pregnant that time, and were about to move to Arizona, so we put things on hold. After moving to Arizona I found an OBGYN and he did another HSG test and said that the other Fallopian tube was blocked. He suggested that I see a fertility specialist at that point. We started going to the Arizona Fertility Center and our doctor, Dr. Larsen, did further testing and once again my polyps had grown back. He went in to remove them and to check on my tube and it was completely open and fine. He said that occasionally during an HSG your body gets so stressed that it will spasm and clamp. We did 2 rounds of monitored Clomid and got pregnant! We were so excited. During the pregnancy I had a few scares at 5 and 10 weeks, but it ended up being nothing serious. At 19 weeks I started to bleed and when my doctor checked me I was dilated to a 2. I was on bed rest in the hospital for a week with the diagnosis of an incompetent cervix, and at 20 weeks my body couldn’t hold out any longer and I delivered our sweet baby boy Adam on December 8, 2013. He lived for a miraculous 45 minutes.

After losing him, I had a somber prognosis. According to my OBGYN, for future pregnancies I’d have to get a cerclage (basically be sewn shut) at 14 weeks pregnancy and would be on bed rest for the duration. I was the main breadwinner at the time and there was just no way we could do that. Scott and I attended a bereavement group for parents that had lost pregnancies or babies and I met a woman that had the same condition. She told me about a doctor in Chicago that did a different kind of cerclage that wouldn’t require bed rest, but for all future pregnancies I’d have to have a c-section. So in April 2015 we went to Chicago and I had the procedure done. We have since done 4 rounds of Clomid through our OBGYN and 4 rounds of Clomid/IUI (intra uterine insemination) with our fertility specialist with no success. I’ve also had 2 more polyp removals since having Adam, so 4 total operations for that issue. With each operation to remove them, it increases the risk of scar tissue in the uterus, potentially making it harder to get pregnant. We are not currently seeking treatment at this time but are looking into other avenues to help add children to our family. So to sum it up, since the beginning of our journey we’ve done 14 rounds of Clomid, 1 round of Femara, 4 IUIs, 7 HCG trigger shots, 2 HSGs, 4 surgical polypectomy’s, one surgical trans abdominal cerclage, 3 sonohysterograms, dozens of ultrasounds, countless blood draws, hundreds of home pregnancy tests, 2 pregnancies and 1 baby in heaven.

What would you say is the hardest thing about infertility?
I think that the hardest thing about infertility has just been wanting something that we know is good and right and not being able to have it. We have the desire to have children and were commanded to do it and yet we have struggled to fulfill that. Scott is strong and sees it for what it is. I struggle with comparing myself to others. For instance, I have a friend that started to try for children at the same time that we did and she is pregnant with her 4th child now. I know that our journeys are completely unrelated but at times it’s hard not to compare myself to others in their journey.

Are there any ways you have grown stronger as a person or couple as a result of infertility?
We’ve lived away from family for most of our marriage and I think that’s been a blessing because we have only had each other to rely on through this journey. I think our communication has to be better because of the things we have to discuss regarding infertility and treatment. It’s also put us in uncomfortable situations, for instance Scott having to give me HCG shots. He hates needles, hospitals, doctor’s offices, etc. but he insisted on being there for me at the majority of my doctor’s appointments and mixing the solution and administering the shots when I had to have them. He never wanted me to carry this alone. I think that anytime you go through a trial you either grow closer or grow father apart and I can see how it would be easy to grow apart but we’ve always made the effort to lean on each other and I think that’s helped us be stronger as a couple.

Are there any resources that have helped you emotionally/spiritually through your infertility journey?
At this time we aren’t currently seeking medical treatment for infertility, but when we were I wish we had found an infertility support group. It’s so easy to feel alone in this journey. We chose to seek counsel from our religious leaders and that has been a strength to us to get their insight, guidance and support.

Is there anything you wish people who don’t struggle with infertility knew?
I wish they knew the emotional toll that it can take on a person. Emotions are high and often irrational, and I just wish that people were more sensitive in their conversation topics with those that struggle with infertility. For example, I don’t have much interest in talking about how someone’s breastfeeding is going or how much they wish they could take time off from being a parent. Those are words that sting to someone that only wishes for those kind of problems.

What advice would you give to someone else who is currently going through infertility?
Be kind to yourself. If you are comfortable, be open with the situation. Most people want to be there to support you. Know your limits and don’t cross those. If you get anxiety thinking about going to a baby shower,  then don’t go. Trust me, it’s not worth the days of repair afterward. I wish I had been more open with those around me so that when it came to certain situations, I could be honest with how I felt.

Thanks so much to Stephanie and Scott for sharing their story!
Click here to learn more about or apply to the Infertility Survivor Stories program.